Every person and family are different, so there isn’t really a “should do” about talking to parents. In healthy families, people can talk about sexuality even if not everyone agrees or completely understands everything. Sometimes, even when a freak out was expected, the reaction is love and support. If there’s a chance that talking to a parent would result in abuse (e.g., hitting, threatening, name calling, kicking someone out, locking them up, or sending them to an abusive program), it’s really important to speak with a trusted adult like a counselor to decide if and how to tell parents. Here are some tips for coming out to parents.
- If there’s risk of harm, talk in a public place, with another supportive adult present and with a plan to approach the subject.
- Choose a calm time to talk (e.g., not when anyone is angry or upset).
- Let the parent(s) know you have something important to talk to them about.
- Ask the parent(s) if it’s a good time. If it is, proceed. If not, plan a time.
- Explain the reasons you want to share this important information (e.g., stay connected, respect for relationship, etc.).
- Say what you want from them (e.g., support, care, ideas, advice).
- Calmly say the thing. Give them information and resources.
- Remember that you’ve had time to think about this; they haven’t. Their initial reaction may not be how they will always feel. Give them time and space to process their reaction before insisting on any action.