Coming out means telling others you’re LGBTQ2S+. You get to decide if you come out or not, who to come out to and on what timeline. In healthy families, family members accept their LGBTQ2S+ kin. Even when a freak out was expected, the reaction is love and support, but sometimes there’s also a steep learning curve. If there’s a chance a parent would abuse the person who comes out (e.g., hitting, threatening, name calling, kicking someone out, locking them up or sending them to an abusive camp), it’s really important to speak with a trusted adult like a counselor to decide if and how to tell parents.
Here are some tips for coming out to parents:
- If there’s risk of harm, talk in a public place, with another supportive adult present and with a plan to stay safe.
- Choose a calm time to talk (e.g., not when anyone is angry or upset).
- Let the parent know you have something important to talk to them about.
- Ask the parent if it’s a good time. If it is, proceed. If not, plan a time together.
- Explain the reasons you want to share this important information (stay connected, respect for relationship etc.)
- Say what you want from them (support, care, ideas, advice).
- Calmly say the thing. Give them information and resources.
- Remember that you’ve had time to think about this; they haven’t. Give them time and space to process before insisting on any action.
An LGBTQ+ support service may have other ideas, resources and supports related to coming out to parents. For more information: LGBTQ+ Students: A guide for counsellors